What Are You Thankful For?

As we approach Thanksgiving I like to talk about what I'm thankful for - corny, right? ;)

Two Thanksgivings ago I was a single mom in a dead-end relationship, yearning for a family and a true partner in life. Seeing how Miss Rita was taken (wink) I was left to fend for my life on my own. Flash forward two years and here I am, sitting in my house looking at my new baby girl hearing my 7 year old giggle as she watches a movie (my 12 year old is at her father's), and smelling the coffee that I brewed for the man I will marry and spend the rest of my life with.

 I guess this is a pretty generic thing to be thankful for, and it will never stop being something I'm thankful for, but - I'm thankful for my little family. They have given me everything I've ever wanted. No, my life has not always guided me down the path I thought I should have been on, and mistake upon mistake made me question my own decision making. (I would have liked to give up my decision making to a friend, like Rachel did on Friends) But, as I look back, those "mistakes" weren't mistakes at all. Without them, I would not be here where I was meant to be. Happy. I look back on certain parts of my life with sadness in my heart, not able to think about them very long without getting emotional, but everyone turned out OK.

I am thankful for every turn I made, every person in my life (both negative and positive), for they are the reasons I am who I am - the reasons I have who I have.

Oh - and my Rita. I'm forever thankful for her and her little family.
For her family, is my family. <3

Where Did This Teenager Come From?

     My oldest daughter Madison will be 13 in January. This is a fact that I have done my best to avoid for some time now - basically since she turned 10 - but with her recently acquired and growing attitude, it is no longer avoidable. *sad face*

     Today, I had to ground her. For the first official time. She was supposed to go help out at her school by doing some babysitting for parents that were there for a meeting, but instead she is grounded to her room.Overall she is a good kid; gets good grades, doesn't talk back, is sweet and friendly and never one to make fun of another person or make anyone feel left out. Her issues on the other hand are things such as refusing to shower, slacking on her chores, having to be constantly reminded HOW to do her chores, and just to DO them in the first place, and lying - about many things; cleaning her room, how she treats her sister, eating certain foods, hacking into my mother's Facebook, and so on. My fiance and I think that her issues may stem from her home life at her father's house (we have 50/50 custody & placement) since she doesn't seem to grasp the concept of "We tell you to do this, so you do it" no matter how many times we talk to her about it. But, we have no proof about what happens over there, so that is just speculation.

     This might be 'typical teenage stuff' but when you're in it, in the middle of the grounding, you feel like you're all alone and no other parent in the world is dealing with this or feeling like crap for having to do it. I HATE having to punish my kids, it's so weird to me. We make the rules? We come up with how to punish them on my own? Isn't there a book on this or a guideline somewhere? And then, I'm the bad guy. The mean mad mom who never lets them have any fun and is always on their ass about everything. Pft, kids are so "What have you done for me lately?"

     I want my sweet girl back. I have a TEENAGED DAUGHTER, and that folks, scares the crap out of me. Bring on the eye rolls, blank stares and pretending she doesn't know who we are in public!

Why I love yoga.

I love yoga. I've been a dedicated yogini for quite a while now. I've noticed that when I declare my obsession to new people, I often see a little bit of confusion on their faces. Why yoga, they ask. Why?  Here's a list (you'll discover that I work best in lists!):

1. Yoga gives me a sense of calm.

I don't lead a calm life, and I am not a calm woman, normally. I churn with stress and anxiety, and I am busier than I'd like to be. Doing yoga gives me a moment to slow down and breathe deep. Plus, deep breathing helps with the anxiety. Win win! 

2. Yoga is a great workout. 

One of the styles of yoga that I practice regularly is Ashtanga, which is very physically demanding. The first led primary series that I attended left me so sore that I couldn't lift my arms for four days! There are plenty of different types of yoga that are excellent for strength and weight loss, by use of quick flowing movements (cardio!) and body weight. 

3. Yoga is awakening my spiritual side. 

I have always considered myself to be a non-religious, non-spiritual person. I gave up seeking when I was a teenager. However, if you become serious about your yoga, it's impossible to ignore the spiritual teachings that it stems from. Classes often close with saying "namaste", which loosely means "the light in me recognizes the light in you, and when we are both in that place of light, we are one." That is deeply spiritual to me. The more yoga I do, the more I feel connected to the world around me, and the more awestruck and grateful I feel. My life had been missing this type of reverence, and I feel better having it. 

4. Yoga makes me feel cool. 

Is this a good reason for doing something? Whatever. I feel like an interesting human being because I do yoga regularly. It's different and a great topic of conversation or ice breaker. 

5. Yoga helped with my pregnancy and birth.

Heck, yoga even helped get me pregnant. I struggled with infertility, which is initially what brought me to try yoga. Once I got pregnant, I began a prenatal practice that kept me centered, grounded, and focused on what was happening with my body. The breathing exercises helped me deal with my crazy overlapping contractions. Post partum, yoga has, at times, been the only thing that made me feel like a functional human being. 

6. Yoga is giving me goals.

Both short term and long term. I want to achieve certain postures. Long term, I plan on taking a teacher training and becoming an instructor. 

7. Yoga appeals to the language need in me. 

The language of yoga is Sanskrit, which is awesome to hear. I have always loved languages, so it's no surprise that I greatly enjoy hearing the Sanskrit words. Ashtanga yoga is counted out in Sanskrit, and it never ceases to make me feel like I am doing something special. 

8. Yoga has brought me a new community. 

Both online and in person, I have met some incredible people through yoga. I love chit chatting with strangers in class, and I love the online yogi communities on tumblr and Instagram. 

My Love.

I'm going to introduce you all to the love of my life, my fiance, Pete.

This man changed my life. I was wandering through the world after many, many mistakes and false starts, wondering when I would gain the life that I was yearning for...the life that was meant for me. I wanted cookouts and family gatherings, trips to the zoo and football games, mornings at church and afternoons at the park, evenings filled with kisses and wine and early mornings with kids in the bed and coffee on the nightstand; I wanted a family. I got to the point where I was asking, out loud, to God, "Where is my husband?!" I nearly demanded an answer, questioning why my girls and I were left to fend for ourselves when I knew with every fiber of my being, that there WAS someone, one man out there, destined for us. Then, not even two weeks after my demand, I went to a 911 Memorial BBQ out of town with some close friends, and there was this guy.... Standing under the pavilion, after doing my 6 hour kitchen duty for the day, speaking with some girl friends, I look up and see a guy in black riding boots, jeans, sweat shirt, a leather vest, black bandana and sunglasses. The only words I could mutter were, "Who. Is. He?" Because come on, this man is beautiful.
And I knew. I knew that he was my answer. Don't get me wrong, I questioned this at first, not knowing exactly what he would wind up being in my life, I tried to prepare myself to not have it turn into anything. Fast forward a mere 10 days later and there I was in Taco Bell, telling Rita, "I'm going to marry this man."

Pete and I are now engaged (we've been planning our wedding since before we were even officially a couple) and have been since February of this year, 2013 - we have a beautiful baby girl, that we share due to genetics, and two others we share due to love.

This man, he is my everything. Yes, he is no where near 'perfect', but he is the perfect man for me, the perfect father for my children, the perfect addition to my entire family. I could talk about him for hours.....his beauty, his love for me, his love for our girls, his devotion to our family, his sense of humor, his gorgeous eyes, his ass....... ;) But I'll spare you.

This man, this man is mine.
And you will be hearing a lot about him.

I did a thing.

Yesterday, I went from this:

To this:

I just have to tell you, cutting all your hair off is crazy liberating! My hair is now pixie short in back, with longer bangs. I even got some bleached out highlights in my bangs, which I love! My red is natural, so I haven't ever had highlights before. I feel amazing.

I was so worried I'd look weird with short hair. But once it was cut, not only did I feel spectacular, I realized that it doesn't matter what other people think. How liberating. It's no secret that I've been struggling with postpartum depression, but many people don't know that the worst of it has been a constant inner monologue that tells me that no one loves me, that I am worthless, that everyone is judging me as "less than". Do I think my haircut cured me? No. But I think it helped disrupt some of the darkness. 

I feel amazing.

Introduction: Priscilla

Hello! My name is Priscilla. I'm a 30 year old mama to THREE glorious little girls - ages 12, 7 and just 6 weeks. They are crazy, amazing, and engulf my life in such an overwhelmingly, beautiful way. I am engaged to Pete, the most perfect man for me, and we are currently planning our wedding for 2014. We decided to do "baby now, wedding later" and so far it's worked perfectly for us. :) 

I worked in an office for six years as an administrative assistant, until the economy finally forced some changes, and I was let go. Now I am a full-time stay-at-home mom, which used to be my DREAM. I honestly do love it, but I'm finding that it is harder than I ever thought it would or could be. I have very natural views on parenting and you will see me discuss things such as cloth diapering, extended rear facing (ERF), natural birth, baby wearing, and more. And since my life has had some bumps along the way, I'll also discuss things such as co-parenting, teen parenting, adoption and loss.

I am currently also a full-time student online, pursuing my BBA with a focus on accounting. I  am set to graduate November of 2014. I live in the mid-west, have a dog named Duncan, will always prefer a funny movie over any other and have finally realized that I am in fact a real girl, and I looooove the color pink. Crap.

My best friend and "sister wife" Rita, is the co-blogger in the project, which makes me deliriously happy! We share so many things, and yet are so different - it really is a beautiful friendship, and I am so excited to share our conversations and experiences with you all!
 

Intro: Rita

Hi, I'm Rita, and I'm one of the two part team behind Coffee & Crying. 

I'm a late 20s mama, with a bright and headstrong five year old stepdaughter, Maru (I'll be using her middle name and not sharing photos of her on here, as there are other parental units to consider that I don't much feel like dealing with), and an incredibly smart and sweet five month old son, Renly. My husband and I got married on April 13th, 2012. It was a Friday the 13th, and so much fun! 

I'm currently a working mama, with a full time third shift job as a 911 dispatcher, and a part time business as an Arbonne consultant. I spend my days with my son. I don't really sleep much. 

In my previous careers, I've been a police officer, a meter maid, and I managed a shop at a few Renaissance Faires for almost a decade. 

Some of the topics I'll likely visit and revisit on this blog include stepparenting, being a working mom, mental health as a new mama, vegetarian and vegan cooking, and yoga! I'm sure there will be plenty more as we go!

Priscilla, the other blogger on here, just happens to be my best friend and my soul sister. We have nothing and yet everything in common, and I'm so beyond excited to share this project with her. 

Coffee and Crying

Sitting in my living room today, my best friend Priscilla and I realized that, as moms, our entire social hour together was filled with coffee, and crying.

We'd sip our Gloria Jeans chocolate flavored coffee, and talk, sharing every deep, dark and scary thought and feeling that we had. Things we had been holding in for weeks came bubbling up, and with each emotion came tears. Good tears, bad tears, and scared tears.

And more coffee.

We are each mothers with different family systems, and a wide variety of experiences, but what we have realized is this: as different as our paths can be, our emotions can be the same. More than once, we exclaimed to each other, hands shaking with relief as we clutched our mugs, "I didn't know anyone else felt this way!" And we felt better, knowing that we share so much.

And this blog was born. We want it to be a safe place for other mothers to come and rest a moment; to laugh; to feel that essential "me too!" feeling.

Coffee and crying. Join us on our journey.